I tame lions and slay dragons in three lives or less
of 28 votes, 46% like it
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Sorry I'm late I stayed up all night making up excuses
of 47 votes, 66% like it
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(on back) Be honest you thought this shirt was plain
of 54 votes, 61% like it
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In my family I'm not only the black sheep I'm also the scape goat
of 57 votes, 68% like it
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Pterodactyls: The P is for pretty freaking badass
of 54 votes, 69% like it
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One day I'm going to be famous I hope it's a Saturday
of 75 votes, 56% like it
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The only place I want a cavity search is the dentist's office
of 69 votes, 65% like it
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Even the wisest of men like chasing bright shiny things
of 81 votes, 63% like it
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Growing up is not part of my 5 year plan
of 103 votes, 77% like it
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aardvark: the extra a is for awesome
of 100 votes, 71% like it
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I'm ready for a zombie attack or a dance-off whatever they choose
of 96 votes, 64% like it
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In the real world spelling and grammar matter
of 67 votes, 61% like it
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When insulting someone's intelligence CHECK YOUR SPELLING
of 101 votes, 59% like it
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Way beyond normality, the lunatics have all the fun
of 88 votes, 47% like it
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Most of my achievements involve a controller
of 125 votes, 69% like it
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Carpools aren't as refreshing as they sound
of 126 votes, 61% like it
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Wait a minute there's educational tv? Then what are books for?
of 119 votes, 55% like it
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In the book of life the answers are all in the back
of 137 votes, 62% like it
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I don't think I can bank on the child prodigy thing anymore
of 152 votes, 63% like it
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I'm just a real life portrayal of an online persona
of 125 votes, 57% like it
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(front)in the event of test sit behind me (back) CDBADCABCDACDA
of 184 votes, 70% like it
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If I eat the right vegetables I can save a princess in 23 hours
of 155 votes, 57% like it
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Starting a candy business out of my van had unexpected downsides
of 174 votes, 70% like it
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I'm one riot away from getting my pitchfork business out of debt
of 148 votes, 65% like it
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Platypi? Platypuses? Be honest you'll never see more than one
of 163 votes, 66% like it
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Jehovah's Witnesses tell really long knock knock jokes
of 186 votes, 70% like it
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Sometimes I make up words when I don't know what else to gizzigly
of 164 votes, 53% like it
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Stand there and count to infinity I'll be back when you finish
of 176 votes, 52% like it
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What was subtle? I didn't see anything.
of 184 votes, 57% like it
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Due to inflation life will now be handing out limes
of 213 votes, 68% like it
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Physics proves that fat people have more potential
of 196 votes, 63% like it
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Once you're tall enough to ride roller-coasters life is downhill
of 170 votes, 55% like it
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Children are the future. We must destroy them.
of 188 votes, 56% like it
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My ability to shape shift is extremely limited
of 186 votes, 52% like it
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My morphing ability is limited to this shape
of 182 votes, 54% like it
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(uv ink) Let's go inside
(glow ink) Let's go outside
of 231 votes, 62% like it
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Libraries are the number one place where shh happens
of 283 votes, 66% like it
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running the last 10 meters in slow motion cost me the gold
of 311 votes, 73% like it
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sticks and stones may break my bones but cliches bore me to tears
of 189 votes, 52% like it
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Supervision isn't nearly as cool as it sounds
of 341 votes, 74% like it
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slow clap starter
of 256 votes, 52% like it
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Roman numerals confuse IX out of X people I'm not I of them
of 251 votes, 57% like it
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Roman numerals are confusing for X out of IX people
of 190 votes, 44% like it
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It doesn't matter how old you are Uranus is still a funny planet
of 186 votes, 51% like it
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I'm just here until I get my time machine fixed
of 272 votes, 57% like it
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I "occasionally" use air quotes
of 308 votes, 70% like it
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